This piece was originally written as journal response to following prompt about Were You There arranged by Norman Luboff.
“The spiritual asks directly: ‘Were you there when they crucified my Lord?’ When you sing this question, how do you answer it personally? What does it mean to place yourself at the foot of the cross through music? Have there been moments when this piece has felt emotionally or spiritually heavy? Why?”
Our world is no stranger to pain and suffering, this has proven true time and time again. Throughout all of history it seems that no matter where we look, we see people persecuted, people who are suffering, people who are lost, and everything in between. We know that pain and suffering are merely parts of life. So this begs the question, who are we to be exempt from suffering? Who are we to be exempt from pain, when God gave his only Son to die on the cross so that we may live eternally with Him. In a way, a similar question is asked in the opening line of the piece “Were You There” Arr. Norman Luboff. “Were you there, when they crucified my Lord?” This question can be answered in a multitude of ways, but instead of directly answering the question, I choose to look at it as a metaphor of sorts. I look at it as proof that even when we are at our lowest, even when we feel most alone, God is right by our side, just as he was for Jesus on the cross. Even when the Son of God had felt forsaken, God was right by his side, just as He is for each and every one of us. My interpretation of this piece may be a little abstract and ambiguous, but it is through this interpretation that I find the most meaning.
I have been through my fair share of trials and tribulations throughout my life, the divorce of my parents, losing three of my closest friends to a car accident in 2019 which started me down a path of pain and suffering at the hands of drug addiction. I was so angry with God for taking my closest friends from this world at such a young age. I was supposed to be in that car. Why do I get to live my life when theirs were cut short? The answer to this question is still unclear to me. Just as Jesus called out to God on the cross in Matthew 27:46, “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” I too had felt forsaken by God, these feelings of abandonment eventually turned to anger. Over time, this anger consumed me. I never formally denounced my faith, but I had abandoned it in my heart, I abandoned my relationship with God. This is a feeling that I feel most people can relate to when faced with great pain and suffering.
Throughout this time, I had gotten myself into my fair share of trouble to say the least. Shortly before I arrived at Augustana, I was at the pinnacle of my poor decisions. I had made decisions that very easily could have prevented me from pursuing my life goals. From my perspective, my life as I knew it was over. Looking back now, I can say I was right, but not for the reasons I thought at the time. That event turned into the beginning of my new life, my life walking with The Lord. “Sometimes, it causes me to tremble”, this lyric is what flows through my mind whenever I look back to this moment. I was at a crossroad in my life, I could continue down the path I was heading down and continue my suffering, or I could make a change. I felt His presence, a wave of indescribable emotion washed over me immediately and all I could do was tremble at his power, his righteousness, and his grace. I trembled at the thought of what my life was becoming and what it could be. I trembled because God was right there, waiting to place me down the path of righteousness through Him. I trembled at his grace, and how he had forgiven me long before I had forgiven myself.
In hindsight, I can see that God was with me the whole time, beckoning me to accept his grace and love, I just had to answer the call. Just as he had not forsaken his Son, he had not forsaken me. The fact that I wasn’t in that car when it claimed my best friends’ lives, the fact that I am here today in spite of all odds saying I shouldn’t be, that is where I find my faith and I refuse to let that faith go, no matter what comes my way. He was there, and he always will be, for God will never abandon his children, and we are all children of God.
When performing “Were You There” with the Augustana Choir, all I can do is tremble at God’s love and grace and focus on delivering our powerful sermon in song. When we deliver our sermon, I hope that each and every member of the congregation is able to feel our message on a deep and intimate level and grow in their faith, just as this project and this ensemble has led me to grow in mine.
Chase is from Woonsocket, SD and is majoring in government and criminal justice.
